Kimi wo Mamoru
by LaDyPaRaNoiD
Summary: He made a promise that she was sceptical he would keep. Until he gave a reason. ConanXHaibara
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: Never owned anything.

Well, here it is, folks. My third Detective Conan fic. To those who have read my last two ones, I know what you're thinking…*grins*. No, Shiho is alive and sane in this one. 

About Here We Are, a lot of people complained to me in their reviews and emails that Shiho would never do something so stupid as to commit suicide. Well, it's not like I like writing out her psycho side or anything (heck, she's my favourite character in DC!) but my muse just wouldn't let me go until I write out something about her crush on Conan! And I thought, wouldn't it be interesting if I exaggerate those feelings a little bit and turn it into an obsession?

Anyways, *cough* I hope you'll enjoy this one. And don't forget to leave a review! ^_^

Kimi wa Mamoru

Ai Haibara suppressed a sigh as she glanced sideways at the boy walking beside her. As Conan Edogawa pretended not to notice, Haibara finally decided to speak up. She was tired of having him following her around. 

Lately, it seemed as if he was over at Professor Agasa's house all the time. She just assumed he was there to look at Professor's latest 'invention' but whenever she stepped out of her room, she would find him perched on his favourite spot on the inner balcony, looking bored. If she asked what he was doing there, he would shrug and say, "Nothing!"

And he was even starting to walk her home from school. Considering the fact that Professor's house was pretty far from Mouri's Detective Agency, Haibara began to get suspicious.

"Look, Kudou, it's very sweet of you to want to be around me so much but I do like to see my latest guinea pig have a social life," she said sarcastically, lifting an eyebrow. 

Conan rolled his eyes. "Don't flatter yourself."

Haibara had a witty comeback ready but a cough interrupted her and she quickly fished out a handkerchief from her pockets to muffle it. The weather was cold but Haibara knew that wasn't what was causing her mild illness. She had always fallen sick whenever she was feeling very disturbed about something.

And since a couple of nights ago, Haibara had been having nightmares. This time, it wasn't about Gin shoving a gun in her face. Instead, there was only a faceless figure in black holding Conan at gunpoint.

_"I've got your precious Shinichi Kudou now, Sherry,"_ the figure would say in a voice only distinctly familiar. But before the figure could pull the trigger, Haibara would wake up, breathless and sweating. She didn't scream. She wasn't the type. Or else, Professor Agasa would have one too many sleepless nights.

She knew it was just a meaningless trick her mind played in her state of growing anxiety but she couldn't shake the deep terror she felt when Conan was almost shot in her nightmare. She couldn't bear to think that it would be her fault if he died. She was the one that dragged him into this from the moment she first appeared in his classroom not long ago.

Even from then, she'd known it wasn't smart of them to be sticking together. They were both the targets and if the Organisation found one of them, the other is sure to be found too. But she'd sworn to make things right again. She'd sworn to help him finish the counter-agent to APTX-4869 and she'd stand by that. It was her retribution and—in a way—an act to gain his forgiveness.

Right now, Haibara once again recalled the nightmare as she stared at Conan. She remembered his calm face in the nightmare, looking at her as if telling her that everything was going to be fine. And his promise came back to her memory.

_"Kimi wa mamoru."_

_"I'll protect you. I promise I'll protect you."_

Conan raised an eyebrow when her gaze kept fixed on him. "Something wrong on my face?"

"Plenty. Unfortunately, the only way to correct them is through plastic surgery," Haibara muttered. She turned away and resumed her walk home. Snorting, Conan fell into step with her.

"You know, sarcasm is very becoming on you."

"Don't even start with me, Kudou," Haibara said wearily, muffling another cough. "If you don't like it, stop hanging around me so much."

"I'm worried about you, okay? You're not feeling well lately, are you?" Conan asked, his voice sounding slightly irritated.

"I'm always not feeling well. Worrying about when I'm going to be discovered by the Organisation isn't exactly good for my body, you know. Make no mistake about it because sooner or later, they _will _find me." Haibara held up a hand to stop Conan from interrupting and continued, "And now, I have to worry about them finding _you _too because you just refuse to leave my side!"

This time, Conan stopped walking. Haibara paused, looking back at him. He was frowning.

"I said I'll protect you. Will you please stop having these paranoid thoughts?"

"I'd rather be paranoid and alive than optimistic and dead."

"I gave you my word, Haibara. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Haibara turned away to hide the sudden colours on her cheeks. How many times had they had this conversation? Even so, it never failed to touch her heart when he said that.

But words are words and promises are easy to make. And a promise from a proud, cocky ex-high school detective wasn't what Haibara would have taken seriously. He didn't know what he was up against, didn't even realize the extent the Organisation was capable of.

Yet, it felt nice to have someone who cared.

"Kudou? You still there?" she asked, not bothering to check if he was still following her.

"Missed me already?" he replied from somewhere behind her.

Before she could reply, two voices talking caught her attention. She focused on the direction the voices came from and soon enough, two figures emerged from a road obliterated by a wall. Haibara recognized them at the same instant as they recognized the two children.

"Conan?" Ran Mouri said, her face knitted into puzzlement. Beside her was Sonoko Suzuki, looking surprised and even slightly suspicious.

"Ran-neechan!" Conan's whole demeanor changed. He smiled brightly at her and there was a hint of childish delight in his voice.

_He's good at this,_ Haibara thought humourlessly.

"What are you doing here, Ran-neechan?" Conan enquired innocently.

"We were cleaning Shinichi's house. It has been horribly dusty since the last time we went there," Sonoko complained. Then with a mischievous smile to Ran, she added, "But Ran here can't bear to leave her _husband's_ house dirty."

Ran blushed and nudged Sonoko in warning. She then turned back to Conan with a shy smile on her face. "Will you be coming home for dinner, Conan? Or are you going to stay over at Professor's house again?"

Conan hesitated and glanced over to Haibara. In return, she smirked and crossed her arms. 

"I'm not sure, Ran-neechan. Haibara has not been feeling well and I—"

"She looks fine to me," Sonoko interrupted with a measuring look in the direction of said girl.

Haibara decided to ignore this. Instead, she trained her eyes on Ran's face, which had now turned into a disappointed frown. She might be too sensitive but there was something disturbing about the way Ran looked at Conan. There was tenderness in her eyes that one usually didn't show when looking at a child.

Her suspicion that Ran has already _known_ intensified. 

Not only had Ran stopped calling Conan 'Conan-chan', she had also stopped acting as the protective big sister like she usually did in Haibara's earlier encounter with her. Instead, she was like a teenager with a crush she couldn't confess around Conan now. And despite their efforts to hide the truth from her—having Conan and Shinichi appear at the same time—Ran's belief that Conan was Shinichi seemed to remain undeterred.

Haibara wondered if Conan had noticed.

"Well, are you going to stay overnight, too?" Ran was now asking.

"I have to see how things go first," Conan answered. "I'll call if I decide to, okay?"

"Sure, sure. I don't see you _this _worried when your other friends are sick!" Sonoko muttered.

Haibara almost laughed at this. His other friends weren't the ones developing the antidote for APTX-4869. That might be a good enough reason.

To her surprise, Ran suddenly knelt in front of her. She smiled kindly at Haibara and said, "I hope you get well soon, Haibara."

_So you can have him all to yourself again? _Haibara thought.

She knew Ran meant well. She even knew that Ran was genuinely concerned about her. But Haibara couldn't help the bitter dislike she seemed to hold against this girl whom in appearance was older than her. It was born from her envy and jealousy for this girl.

"I'll see you at home later, then." With a final smile at Conan, Ran left with Sonoko.

As their footsteps died down, Haibara finally opened her mouth. "I'll be fine, Kudou. I don't need you to baby-sit me."

"And you couldn't have told me this earlier because…?"

Haibara shrugged and glanced in the direction where Ran and Sonoko had disappeared to. Following her gaze, Conan sighed.

"Why can't you like her? Ran's never been anything but nice to you."

"I dislike her for the same reason that she's nice to me."

_You,_ she added silently.

"Huh?"

"For a famous high school detective, you sure are clueless, Kudou."

"I'm a detective, not a mind reader," he retorted.

"And let's all thank God for that," Haibara muttered in reply.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." Her voice clearly indicated that this conversation was over. Wisely, Conan shut up and resorted to walking silently beside her, looking annoyed. The only sound between them now was Haibara's occasional coughing.

When they reached the front gate, Haibara stopped.

"You can go home now," she said sarcastically.

Conan regarded her in silence for a moment. Just when it seemed as if he wasn't going to say anything, he said, "You really should do something about that cough, Haibara."

"I'm touched by your concern, Kudou but I can take care of myself."

"Suit yourself. Don't say I didn't warn you. See you at school tomorrow then."

"Whatever, Kudou."

Without as much as a goodbye, Haibara slipped inside the gate and trudged along the dirt walk to Professor Agasa's mansion. When she finally glanced back, Conan was gone. Only then did she lean against a tree for strength.

She had been dizzier than she imagined. Only for the purpose of not letting Conan see the real state of her sickness that she had ignored the pounding in her head. Now it came back full force and with a vengeance.

Her legs felt like jelly and she found that she couldn't support herself anymore. Slowly, as in slow motion, she sank to the grown. Her vision was on the verge of blacking out. She knew she must get to the front door quickly before she loses consciousness but her entire body wasn't listening to her command.

And as the last threads of her thoughts faded away, she felt a gentle arm supporting her back before she could crumple on the ground.

"Why do you have to be so damn stubborn all the time?"

~@~~@~~@~~@~

"You know, when you said you wanted to protect me, I didn't know that stalking me also falls under the same category," Haibara's muffled voice floated from the small bed she was lying on. Piles of blankets were on top of her and the only part of that was visible was her head.

She had just woken up from a two-day long sleep and was still feeling a little light-headed. Professor Agasa had told her that she had been delirious from a high fever and that Conan hardly ever left the house ever since. And now that Professor Agasa had left, Haibara was alone with Conan inside the house.

The first thing she told him was that she was grateful of his concern. Right now, she was berating him for not listening to her and just go home two nights ago.

"If I hadn't turned back, you would probably have died in the lawn. Professor was home late that day," Conan shot back from his position on a fold-up chair.

"I didn't faint," Haibara insisted, "I was just…passed out for a short amount of time. I woke up when you tried to take my clothes off!"

Conan's face turned red at this. Indeed she had. He still had that bruise on his back he got when she—none too gently—pushed him away in horror, resulting in him crashing into a table.

"I was trying to change them! It was wet and muddy from all that lying down on the ground you did."

"At least I'm conscious enough then to do it by myself," Haibara grumbled. She'd never lived with herself knowing that he'd undressed her. Without consent.

"Ran's coming over later to see how you're doing. I think she said she was bringing over some chicken soup for you."

Haibara turned her head away, suddenly feeling very tired. It had been so easy to forget that there's someone else in the picture when she was bantering with Conan this way. And that person just had to be brought up in the ten minutes that she was remotely sober after a forty-eight-hour long sleep.

Couldn't she just have a few more minutes with him before reality sinks in? Would that be too much to ask?

"Hey, Kudou…" she whispered. She thought she he didn't hear her. Maybe she didn't want him to hear her. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to ask this question that's been lingering in her mind for some time now.

"What?"

Haibara glanced over to see a mildly curious look on his face.

"When you said you're going to protect me, was it because I was working on the counter-agent for APTX-4869?"

There was silence and Haibara feared that she was right. But wouldn't that made the unique friendship they've formed over the months…meaningless? Did he really regard her as just another stepping stone to getting his old life back? Was he really capable of being so…heartless?

"I promised you that because I failed to protect your sister. That time when you cried on my shoulder, asking me why I hadn't been able to save your sister…that was the time I decided I won't ever let the same thing happen to you."  

This time, when Haibara looked, there was a look of firm resolve on his face. She smiled softly, knowing it was concealed behind the mouth cover she was wearing.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Conan nodded. "You should rest now. You're all flushed from the fever."

_It's not the fever._

Nonetheless, she took his advice. A few minutes later, Conan tip-toed out of the room, leaving a sleeping Haibara inside. He was surprised to see Ran standing at the doorway, looking flustered.

"Ran-neechan, how long have you been standing here?" Conan asked in surprise. He wondered just how much she had heard.

"Um, I just got here. Is Haibara asleep? I, I brought some soup for her."

"Oh, yeah, she just went to sleep. Here, I'll take that. I'll make sure she gets it when she wakes up." Conan began walking along the underground corridor towards the main hall.

After a last glance in Haibara's smiling form, Ran followed suit.

A/N: It needs a lot of work, I know. As it is, this story turned out to be multi-chapter after all. Or not. I haven't a lot of free time lately and I guess I might continue if I'm feeling inspired.


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: Never owned anything.

Wow I can't believe it's taken me a year to update…Well, since I'm on a three-months-break from uni, I thought I should pick up what I left behind. This chapter is short-ish but I hope you guys enjoy it anyways.

Kimi wa Mamoru: 2

Ran was contemplating what to make for dinner that day when the doorbell rang. She frowned slightly, looking at the time. It was Sunday and Mouri's Detective office was closed. She hoped it wasn't another client wanting to investigate an unfaithful spouse.

Her father wasn't home anyway. He had told her earlier that he had to meet up with some old friends. She would bet anything that he was really at the race tracks, betting everything he had.

_He had better not gambled next month's living expenses off,_ she thought crossly.

The doorbell rang again and Ran hurried to answer it. She prepared to politely turn a client away but was surprised when she saw a red-haired girl standing at the doorway, staring up at her coldly.

"Haibara-chan!" she exclaimed as the girl nodded politely. "Um…Conan-chan isn't here. He went on a camping trip with the Professor…why aren't you with them?"

"An unfortunate accident happened. I was suddenly sick. May I come in?" Haibara asked, her voice completely neutral.

Ran was confused but she ushered Haibara in anyway. It was surprising enough that Haibara was _here_ but it puzzled Ran even more that she was _not _looking for Conan.

"If you're looking for my father, he won't be home until quite late…"Ran's voice trailed off when she noticed that Haibara was giving her a strange look.

"Actually," the younger girl began, "I'm here to see you."

"Ah…sou desu. Please have a seat. I'll make us something to drink. Would orange juice be okay?" Ran asked awkwardly, feeling somewhat unnerved.

There had always been something about Haibara that scared Ran a little. The little girl was too detached—too _cold_ for her age. Ai Haibara had always seem so self-assured but there was an underlying distrust in her eyes that Ran thought eight-year-olds shouldn't have. It was like she had seen so much of the world and was weary of it.

_Had the world been unkind to you?_ She wondered silently. If only she could do something to wipe that tired expression from Haibara's eyes. But how could she reach someone who didn't want to be reached? Ai Haibara had obviously kept her distance from Ran for some reason she couldn't fathom.

"It's not necessary. I won't be long. I have a plane to catch."

Ran blinked. "Plane…?"

"I have something to tell you," Haibara continued, ignoring Ran's question. "I will leave Japan in a couple of hours. I will probably never return. I would have left long ago if I hadn't had something important to do here. As it is, I have already taken care of that. Therefore, I believe I have nothing else holding me back."

"I don't—" Ran began, feeling as if Haibara was making less and less sense.

"I'm not finished," Haibara said shortly. Ran started but didn't say anything else. "What I say next may or may not mean anything to you but in the future, I believe you will understand everything."

For a moment there, Ran thought she saw something shifted in Haibara's unemotional eyes. A flash of uncertainty? A hint of pain? But it was gone just as quickly as it had appeared.

"I love him," Haibara finally confessed after a long pause. Her eyes met Ran's, never unwavering.

"Who? Conan-chan?"

Haibara finally looked away when she realized that Ran indeed did not understand what she was trying to say. A corner of her mouth lifted in a mocking smile—directed perhaps more at herself than at the girl standing before her.

"It doesn't matter. Whichever he is, he is still him. Nothing inside him has changed, even when his outward appearance is different. And when I say that, I also mean that the person in his heart hasn't changed as well. It had always been you."

Ran felt something drop from her throat to her stomach. Haibara had just insinuated that…that what her suspicion about Conan and Shinichi…was true.

So Conan _was_ Shinichi!

She was surprised that all she felt right then was just numb acceptance. She should be a little more shocked, shouldn't she? And perhaps angry as well? After all, how long had he hid the truth from her?

Haibara watched silently as Ran took everything in. She could already guess what Ran was thinking.

"He has his reasons," she said softly.

Ran shook herself when she heard Haibara's voice. Suddenly, what Haibara had said earlier sunk in.

_"I love him."_

"Haibara-chan…"

"Save it," Haibara cut her off. "I don't need your pity. I just don't want to leave without admitting how I feel to someone. You just seemed like the right person."

She could understand why Haibara had chosen her as her confidant. To Haibara, Ran was a rival. Coming here today was a way for her to admit her defeat but at the same time to show Ran that she could pull out with dignity.

"Have you told _him?_" Ran asked.

Haibara stared at her, silent. She finally decided not to answer that question. She didn't need to tell Ran that it was futile anyway. Besides, the longer she stayed there, the more it felt as if Ran was making a mockery out of her.

She had waltzed into Conan's life when she had lost everything. Now she was leaving and the only thing she was bringing with her was more pain. And standing there—facing Ran while trying to salvage what bit of pride she still had—was more painful than everything else was.

The girl had never done anything to intentionally hurt Haibara. In fact, Ran was always kind to her. She couldn't hate Ran. She thought that the best emotion she felt for Ran would be envy.

Envy because Ran was so innocent. Envy because Ran could love anyone and see kindness in everyone. Envy because Ran could be so forgiving and accepting.

Envy because Shinichi Kudou loved Ran.

"I need you to pass something on to Ku-Conan," Haibara said, mentally shaking herself. She took out a rectangular wooden box the size of a textbook. Engraved on top of the box was a tile puzzle with multi-coloured tiles arranged in random order. "To open this box, he would have to solve the puzzle first but it should be a piece of cake for him. This is elementary-level. I'm just making sure nobody else opens it."

"Haibara-chan, where are you going? Maybe you should wait until Conan gets home. I don't think this is the best way to say good-bye," Ran pleaded, refusing to take the box Haibara was holding out. "Besides, you're still a child. They won't let you board the plane alone."

"Why don't you let me worry about that?" Haibara countered. She didn't mean to sound patronizing but Ran's kindness was really getting on her nerves. That girl just _had_ to take care of everyone. Nobody should be allowed to be that nice. It just wasn't that way in Haibara's world.

She put the box on a table since Ran won't take it. She couldn't leave the box back at Professor Agasa's house. That silly old man might misplace the important box. It contained the counteragent for APTX-4869 and its complete formula.

Her work had finally been completed once the perfect counteragent was created. She had been planning to leave Japan since that moment on. How could she stay to watch Kudou go back to Ran?

Forging documents was easy for her and when she takes the counteragent, she will turn back into the eighteen-year-old Shiho Miyano. Under an alias, she would travel abroad and start a new life. Maybe she would continue her studies. Be just a regular student.

"I have to go now."

Before Haibara stepped outside, she turned back to look at Ran. "You know, I didn't lose to you. I didn't pull out either. I was just never in the running."

Before Ran could say anything, Haibara was gone.

A/N: as always, reviews would be appreciated.


	3. Chapter Three

Author's Note: Thank you to all my wonderful reviewers! At the end of this chapter, there's a reply to you. Now that Haibara's no longer using that name, I thought it would make sense for me to write her as 'Shiho', which is her real name anyway.

Oh yeah, I'm sorry for the short chapter. I've actually finished writing this chapter a month back but I was still not happy with it especially the last part. So, I've split it into two. The part about Conan's reaction about Shiho's departure will be put up as soon as I'm satisfied with it.

Kimi wo Mamoru : 3

_Chemistry Department, College of Natural Sciences, Seoul National University, Korea._

_Six months later._

It was her last class for that day and she looked forward to going back to her dorm, take a shower and sleep. Instead of conducting another experiment, they'd had an associate professor giving a lecture thermodynamics and kinetics of protein folding.

Since she was quite familiar with the topic, she had to sit through the two-hour lecture bored out of her mind. The moment they were dismissed, she'd bolted for the door as if her life depended on it.

It had already been four months since she'd been here in Korea and she still haven't felt as if she'd settled down. When she enrolled into Seoul National University two months ago, she thought the studying would take her mind off her old life. She'd wanted so badly to start a new life but how could she do that when her old life still haunted her?

_It's still too soon, perhaps,_ she mused.

"Akemi!" one of her classmates greeted her just as she got out of the door. She gave him a startled look but quickly smoothed out her expression.

Even now, hearing someone call her by that name tugged at her heart. She wondered why she had chosen her sister's name as her new alias. It brought fresh pain whenever it was mentioned.

Then again, she was a glutton for punishment, wasn't she?

"Ha-young," she said, nodding politely.

"We are going to the cafeteria to get something to eat," the guy named Ha-young said, pointing to a group of students a few feet from where they were standing. "Would you like to join us?"

"No, I'm sorry," Shiho declined, not even bothering to provide an excuse. She bowed slightly and walked away.

"Hey, who's that?" she heard someone whisper. "An exchange student?"

"She's a Biochem major," Ha-young said.

Shiho's mouth curved up in a mocking smile.

When she first arrived at the campus, communication was a little hard for her since she didn't know a word in Korean and most of the students there weren't too fluent in English. Ha-young Kim had been one of the few whose English was fluent and had gone to the trouble of being friendly to Shiho.

But she had treated him civilly, unwilling to forge some sort of a bond with him—or anyone else for that matter. She wasn't there to make friends.

Her cell phone suddenly vibrated, making her jump. She reached into her jeans and peered at the screen. An international number flashed and she frowned. There was only one person who would call her through that number.

"Haruto?" she said brusquely after pressing the 'answer' button.

Haruto Sakuraba, currently in a mansion in Japan chuckled after hearing her brisk greeting.

"Is there something you want?" she asked. She didn't like the fact that Haruto could contact her whenever he wanted to. But she had made a deal with him that she would keep him up to date with her whereabouts in exchange for his assistance in her leaving Japan.

"I'm in a middle of a very interesting case here in Hokkaido. Pity you can't join me. You'd have enjoyed yourself," he said, a faint hint of mockery in his voice.

"You're spending a big amount of money on an international call just so you can tell me this?" she said acidly.

"The Japanese police force is so incompetent. They can't solve anything without some help."

"How noble of you to help then. They must've caught you when you were in a charitable mood," she replied dryly.

Haruto laughed. "Not exactly. You could say that I was more interested in the fringe benefits."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. Let's just say I've found an entertaining playmate."

"You haven't changed at all. Still like to talk in riddles."

"But things that are straight-forward are so boring, are they not?"

"Look, Haruto, I'm really busy right now. If you have something to say, say it right now before I hang up."

"Really, Shiho. You're giving me the cold shoulder now after I helped get you out of the country and created a new identity for you? Most people would call you ungrateful."

Shiho sighed quietly. She had known Haruto during her brief stay in England a few years ago. They'd formed an odd friendship but after Shiho went back to Japan, she didn't try to contact him again. Until recently.

She'd appeared at his doorstep as Ai Haibara. He was confused at first and she tried to explain her situation as best as she could without revealing any information about Kudou or the Organisation. She just told him that she was in trouble and needed to get out of the country.

He'd arranged the papers for her and sent her off with a reluctant promise that she would keep in touch. She was a little surprised that he let her go off so easily with barely an explanation.

Shiho was just about to reply but Haruto cut her off. "But you are right. I do have something I'd like to discuss with you but I can't do it long-distance. I want to fly in to Seoul next week to meet you in person."

"I don't like the sound of this," she said warily. Even now, there were things about Haruto she didn't know, just as there were things about her that she hid from him. But his family had been friends with her parents for a long time so she thought she could at least trust him.

"Or," Haruto added, "you can come back to Japan. Either way, I still have to see you. It's urgent."

"No way."

"No way what? No way you're going to see me?"

"No way am I going back to Japan."

"Too bad. Then I guess you'll have to wait for my arrival in Seoul next week. Bye, Shiho."

"Wait, Haruto—" she began but he'd already hung up. She stared at her phone incredulously. Shaking her head, Shiho stuffed the phone into her backpack and walked back towards her dorm.

PK: thank you

Claudia: hahaha, thanks. Here We Are is actually an experimental project of mine but I'm glad you liked it

soledad: thank you. I hope you're happy that you didn't have to wait too long for this 3rd installment. I mean, compared to the 2nd.

Lynn: nothing makes me happier than an S/R fan liking my story . And I'm glad you think this story is convincing. I try.

Kaitou Magician: I did continue! Yay!

Yuffie: the whole point of fanfiction is to attempt the impossible. winks and your English is just fine

sparkling-saphyre: haha. Truthfully, I've never watched a DC movie or anime episode. But yep, they do look good together, don't they? Heh.

Raven and Nightwolf: that's what I'm here for; to make SS happen! grins

Chiharu-Chan: wow, you did? I'm so happy that you enjoy it so much!

b: thank you!

anime-obsession260: there are just so many ways a person can say thanks laughs…domo arigatou!

DestinyFate: your wish is my command…grins

KristiexxNguyen: haha, I hope you're happy that I'm now continuing this

sacred-aliance: I do apologize about the grammar error :P. I'm not a native speaker (of both Eng and Jap) so do forgive my ignorance ;;. I've thought over your suggestion and I think I'm going to refrain myself from using Japanese sentences from now . I sometimes mess up even with honorifics. And yeah, Ai is more bitter than usual but that was the character that I have already formed in my mind about her. shrugs helplessly

anime-obsession260: yes, update!

Crystal Snowflakes: thank you for pointing that out. I'm going to fix it asap :D

Aikachi: thanks for telling me that. I only read the translated manga and watch the dubbed anime and they don't put in honorifics so I just make it up as I go along. ;;

First Silvera:laughs well, here it is! I think Haibara went to Ran not because she wanted to confess but to challenge her. It's just her way of saying, 'you'd better make him happy or else!'

jack-adam: oh, sorry for that. I like to jump timelines so tell me when it gets confusing. Also, I'm not going into details about the demise of the Organisation (I'll leave that entirely to Gosho Aoyama) so I may obliterate certain parts.

S/S fan: I luv this pairing too!

Vash: I'm afraid this is another sad chapter ;;

YumeTakato: is this soon enough?

Lynn: I agree with you. If I don't like a pairing but the story is very good, I'll easily be convinced :D

Emerald-eclipse:definitely SS :D

goldfishlover73: thank you

Chae.Rim: I don't believe in the power of traditional narration I guess :D I jump timelines so that it doesn't drag the storyline. I hope it's acceptable ;;

Kaori: I refer to her as Haibara because that's the way they call her in the translated manga I read

Raven and Nightwolf: hahha. I think I might've stretched Ran's annoy factor a little since I dislike her so much. Poor Ran. It's not her fault she's so annoying! I'm just the kind of person who likes the secondary female character better.

ella: you're in luck, then :D


	4. Chapter Four

A/N: Yes, I am a worm and I don't deserve to live wince. I know it has been **_really long_** since I last updated. Uni caught up to me, I was swamped with work, got sick, involved in some personal problems, got sick _again_ and finally almost lost interest in writing _anything_ at all. I've just sort of been through a lot lately that made me reevaluate some things in my life.

But now I'm back, confident again in the path I chose, and realizing that I could _never _give up writing. Some grammatical errors, but here's an extra-long chapter of Kimi wo Mamoru to make up for the late update and the short length of the last chapter. Also, a little OOCness (really sorry about that). **Bold** letters indicate conversations in English.

Enjoy

Additional Notes: I am SO sorry about the mix-up with names. Like I said, the translation here REALLY sucks. But it's my fault that I didn't do any research before posting my story. Please forgive me for this bit of carelessness. So, that is to say, Haruto Sakuraba has become an OC as of now. I've fixed the mistakes and of course thanks goes to SN 1987A for pointing out that mistake.

Kimi wo Mamoru

She watched him quietly as he sat at the kitchen table, arms crossed on the tabletop, his face scrunched up in that expression he only wore when he was solving a particularly complicated case. But betraying the concentrated, thoughtful look was the impatient noise his fingers made when he drummed them against the wooden surface. And occasionally, his eyebrows would crawl closer together, as if frowning at something beyond the dusty windows of the detective office.

Ran knew enough about him to know that he was extremely anxious. Frustrated.

Conan deserved an Academy Award for the way he acted for the whole six months since Shiho left. If Ran didn't look closely, she would never have noticed that he was only pretending to be his old self. But occasionally, his charade would crack a little, allowing her a glimpse of the deep, actual turmoil inside him.

It was typical of Shinichi anyway for not wanting anybody to worry about him or draw attention to his troubles. He was always trying to protect her and inadvertently hid things from her that he thought could hurt her. He had no idea that it was more painful when he did that instead of sharing his problems with her.

Yep, typical of Shinichi.

But Conan…was different. As Shinichi, even when he was facing the worst, he would never show that lost, helpless look he had right now. And he never would have given up so easily. No, he never would have given up. Period.

So what had changed?

Or, more accurately, who had changed him?

It hurt her, then, to know that even though she'd known him practically all her life, she never truly understood him. Their relationship with each other had always been one of laughter, and playful fights and meaningless insults. She knew every little thing about him; how he cradled his chin with his thumb and forefinger when he was thinking, or how he couldn't resist balancing a ball on his knees whenever he saw one or how he always tied his shoelaces by beginning with the left shoe.

But they had never sat together and really _talked_. She knew these small things about him and vice versa but what about things that really mattered? How had he _really_ felt, having parents but saw them only a few times every year? He'd acted nonchalant about it, insisting that he preferred staying in Japan than living overseas with them. But was that really true?

Her mother once told her there was a difference between knowing and understanding.

And his passion for mystery, she had never really understood. Thinking about him chasing after dangerous criminals scared her. She kept telling him how risky it was but he always dismissed it in that easy manner of his. Criminal investigation was his passion, she knew that, but it didn't mean that she had to accept it. She let him to do what he wants, but it didn't mean that she was happy about it.

With Shihohe always seemed to have a secret connection. It wasn't just the way they talked to each other, it was also in the way they acted around each other, and how they always seemed to be perfectly in sync.

Why was it that they always seemed as if they could read each other's mind? Why was it that they always seemed to be on the same wavelength? What was it that they shared that made the strange bond they had so seemingly unbreakable?

And would she, the observer, have the courage to make him choose? She wondered why he still didn't. It could not be that he was still confused…could it?

And how long would it still take for the three of them to dance around each other? Two of them have got to make a pair. And one of them will be left standing.

Ran prayed that it would not be her left alone.

What was it about her that he remembered most?

Her smile, maybe? Her _real_ smile. The one he had seen only once. The one not accompanied by the hard cynical glint in her eyes or followed by a sarcastic remark from her mouth. The one that made her face light up.

Or was it the way she always, _always_ answer his questions with another question? It irritated him endlessly and maybe that was exactly what she was trying to do.

But no, he was positive now that what he remembered most was how small and frail she felt when she cried in his arms. She was really thin, he recalled. And she had cried with such abandonment. His heart felt tight when she asked him why he hadn't been able to save her sister.

It was easy to forget that she was not as strong or as brave as she appeared to be. In that one moment of weakness, he had finally understood the extent of her pain.

He vowed to protect her, of course.

But how could anyone protect something that didn't want to be protected?

_Don't worry about me,_ she wrote in the note she left him. _You can say that I have found a higher purpose than being your personal lab rat. I'm tired of being scared of my own shadow anyway. So, try not to miss me._

It was a brief, almost impersonal note. He had read and reread it until the edges of the paper was frayed. But no matter how he looks at it, he couldn't find a single clue about her destination in it.

Did she really leave? Or was she captured by the organization and forced to lie about her absence? It certainly explained her abrupt departure. The possibility terrified him.

Because, if that was so, then that would mean that he had failed in his promise to protect her. And he knew that if anything ever happen to her, he would never forgive himself. He had already failed to protect Akemi. He wasn't about to fail her sister as well.

_Where are you, Haibara? Are you really okay?_

"Conan-kun, are you hungry?" Ran's voice startled him.

He looked up and saw her strolling into the kitchen, a smile on her face.

"Sorry, nee-chan, but I promised Professor that I would go over his house today," he said, jumping off the stool he was sitting on. "I'm sleeping over at his house so don't wait up!"

He ran to get his coat and swiftly went out the door with barely a wave goodbye. He'd been spending most of his time over at Professor Agasa's house lately, searching through Haibara's things. He'd been methodically browsing through her files in her personal computer and sifting through her printed notes, praying for anything, _anything_ at all that might help him find her.

So far, he had found nothing helpful. But he had read enough chemical formula to last him a lifetime. Most of them didn't even make sense to him but he could vaguely see what she had done to complete the counteragent for APTX-4869. Basically, for APTX-4869, she had used a substance to degenerate the cells. The counteragent was developed under the theory that using the anti-substance, the effects would be reversed.

It was the basic theory of science. But the execution was a long and painful process. And Conan just understood just how complicated everything was after reading her papers.

The most recent report contained details about her final counteragent—the one she'd given to him. There was a footnote at the end of the report that worried him. It said, _the reverse process was almost perfect. Subject will return to original condition. But the sudden increase in cell regeneration may also increase heart rate and metabolism. Immune system may also be affected (what worries me most). Death is a possibility._

Would she really give him a faulty counteragent?

"_I can't guarantee you a perfect solution, Kudou. There is always a possibility of dying."_

He smiled slightly, remembering what she said.

"Shinichi!" Professor Agasa greeted him urgently at the door. "I tried calling you but I couldn't get through!"

Conan stuck his hand inside his pocket and took out his mobile phone. It was turned off. The battery must have died.

"**Hey, cool guy. How are you doing?" **

Conan was surprised to see Jodie-sensei sitting at Agasa's coffee table, smiling brightly at him. He turned a questioning look to Professor Agasa but the latter just shrugged helplessly.

"I'm fine," he answered cautiously, in Japanese. "It's been a while, sensei."

"Indeed. How is Mouri-san and Suzuki-san doing?"

"They're both fine. If you don't mind me asking, why are you here?" he asked bluntly.

Jodie-sensei laughed. She gestured to the chair opposite of her and Conan took a seat, still watching her suspiciously. It couldn't be that she was there just to visit.

"I have something to tell you, I suppose," she said, still smiling. Then, looking around quizzically, she asked, "but where is the red-haired one? She should be listening to this as well."

"Haibara left…a few months ago," Conan said. His eyes unconsciously strayed to the door of the basement, where she used to appear from whenever he came over.

"**What?**" Jodie-sensei exclaimed. "Why has she left? And why didn't she contact us for protection?"

Conan didn't answer. It was what he was asking himself every single day as well.

"That's strange. Where could she have been?" Jodie-sensei wondered.

Conan just shrugged, not needing the same questions repeated over and over again, this time by someone else. "What is it that you wanted to tell me?" he asked, hoping to distract her.

"I would have thought she would be happy to hear this…" her voice trailed off. Conan waited patiently for the news.

"**Well then**," she continued brightly, "I guess I'll just tell you. My friends over at Interpol just related something to me a couple of days ago. **Big news**, you know? **But top secret, so shhh**…"

Conan frowned. "What do you mean?"

"The Black Organisation has been under scrutiny from international officials for quite some time now. We suspect that they are involved in a lot of crimes but never had any real proof to incriminate them. **At least, not enough**," Jodie-sensei explained, slipping in and out of English as she talked.

Conan nodded. His heart had assumed a new rhythm when she mentioned the Organisation but he kept on listening—waiting for the former English teacher to make her point. She had seemed to be on the brink of it.

"**Recently**, the Interpol finally apprehended one of its members, ma—"

"Who?" Conan interrupted—rather harshly—and earned a surprised look from Jodie-sensei.

She hesitated now and Conan's impatience was increasing.

_Tell me_, he willed silently. _Weren't you going to tell me anyway? Why hesitate now? I have to know!_

What he was feeling then was familiar. It was what he had always felt when he was on the verge of cracking a particularly difficult case. He could taste the breakthrough in his mouth, just waiting to be swallowed.

"Vermouth," she finally said.

Conan's whole body went still. Vermouth. Chris Vineyard. Sharon Vineyard. _Vermouth_. Slick and cunning as a snake. If there was anyone in the Organisation who might know something about Haibara's disappearance, it would be her.

"I want to see her." He shook his head. "I need to see her," he rephrased his sentence.

Jodie-sensei gave him an incredulous look while Professor Agasa looked flustered.

"Shinichi," he said in distress. "You don't still believe that Ai-chan was taken by them, do you? Ran said—"

"I don't care what Ran said!" he snapped. The Professor drew back as if Conan had struck him. The hurt on his face wouldn't have changed even if Conan did.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He was definitely not acting like himself. Of course, it was not an excuse to be so horrible to the Professor.

"I'm sorry, Professor," he apologized. "But…even if there's a _possibility_ that they _do_ have her and there is some way for me to help her…"

He looked up, a pleading look in his eyes. "I _promised_. And a detective never goes back on his word."

Professor Agasa gave him a long, hard look. Conan just met his gaze, refusing to give up. Finally, the old professor looked away, his shoulders sagging in defeat. It was a small triumph for Conan but he intended to seize it.

Jodie-sensei's eyes had jumped from one to the other but now that she sensed that everything has somewhat calmed down, she asked, "Why do you call him Shinichi?"

"Jodie-sensei," Conan said, ignoring her question. "Please, can you take me to Vermouth? I have to talk to her."

"**Oh no, cool guy, **that's impossible," she said, shaking her head. "I am not even from Interpol. Even if I am, it would still be impossible. Even the information I just told you is—" her hands fluttered as she struggled to find the right words in Japanese. Then she just gave up and continued, "—**strictly confidential**. Only the agents concerned will be involved since this is quite a high profile case."

"But you're an FBI agent. There must be something you can do," Conan persisted.

Jodie-sensei shook her head again. "Even the FBI doesn't have any jurisdiction over the Interpol, **cool guy.**"

"What if I go as Shinichi Kudou?"

"I have heard Mouri and Suzuki mention this name several times. But isn't he a classmate of hers? So why do you address yourself as this person?"

This time it was Conan's turn to hesitate before answering her question. She had been well aware of Haibara's situation but had never really known him except as an extraordinarily perceptive eight-year-old. But after exchanging a meaningful look with Professor Agasa, he decided to tell Jodie-sensei the truth. He felt that he could trust her.

Jodie-sensei drew in a sharp breath as she listened to him. But she seemed to be taking it pretty well, nodding thoughtfully at the end of his explanation. She grinned at him.

"I _knew_ there was something special about you, **cool** **guy!**" she exclaimed. Then she frowned. "But I still don't understand. How does being Shinichi Kudou help in getting you to Interpol?"

Conan told her about how many times he had helped the Japanese police solve difficult cases, flushing slightly. He knew he sounded conceited but he had to at least try. By the amused shine in Jodie-sensei's eyes, he realized that he had to try harder.

"Maybe you're a **big name** here in Japan but the Interpol won't care how much you are esteemed by the Japanese police force, **cool guy.**"

"But what if I tell you that I also have some information on the Organisation? Will that make Interpol interested?"

"I don't know," she said honestly. "I guess it depends of how important your information is."

"I can prove that they have been manufacturing illegal, _lethal _drugs. I _am_ that proof."

Jodie-sensei's face lit up. "**That's a start."**

"What?" Shiho asked incredulously. She lifted her head from the papers she was rifling through to stare at Haruto, the latter smiling rather smugly.

"I said, what do you think about joining Interpol?" Haruto repeated, this time more slowly. He leaned forward, watching with amusement at the suspicion and surprise on Shiho's face.

"All those years apart must have made you a little crazy. Interpol? What makes you think I would ever be interested?" Shiho asked scornfully. She put the ring-bound stack of papers on the table and sipped her coffee, staring out the window.

It was raining heavily outside the café. She had always loved rain. She loved the sound of it as it tapped against the roof, the window, the ground. She loved the smell of it, and the smell after it stopped falling. She loved how, after the rain, everything seemed fresher and cleaner.

Like a new beginning.

"You have a pretty impressive IQ score, Shiho. Well above average. And you have an extensive background in biochemistry."

Shiho turned to look at him sharply. Was he talking about her parents? Or was he referring to her history as a researcher for the Black Organisation? The latter was impossible as he did not know about it. She never told him.

"What does that have to do with Interpol? I have no investigative skills," she said in a bored tone.

Haruto shrugged and leaned back against the sofa. He spread his arms over the back of the sofa and studied the girl sitting opposite of him. He noted how long her hair had grown—a little past her shoulders—and how much thinner and paler she looked. She looked drawn and strained.

"I have evidence that proved otherwise," he said after a while. She gave him a scathing look which he ignored and continued, "but don't worry, it's not a permanent employment. They just need you to help investigate a pretty high-profile case."

"Sorry, I'm too busy," Shiho said quickly. So quickly in fact that he knew she didn't even consider it. She didn't even ask what case it was.

"That's too bad, really, but I'm afraid you have no choice," Haruto said casually.

Shiho's eyes narrowed at him. She disliked that tone in his voice. It meant that he did not intend to give up and leave just like that. Well, she could be persistent too.

But when Haruto took out another folder from his briefcase, her face paled. It wasn't the folder itself—it was just an ordinary brown paper office folder, after all—but it was the label sticking out of it that shocked her.

It read 'Sherry'.

"You look uncomfortable," Haruto commented in a disgustingly innocent tone of voice.

Uncomfortable was an understatement. She gave him a look that was enough to make birds stop in mid-flight. But he just stared coolly back.

"What is this? Blackmail? So you have stooped so low since I last saw you?" she asked acidly.

"This is a file Interpol has of you and the work you did for the Organisation. Granted, there wasn't much in there but there's enough to implicate you in a string of charges to lock you up until the day you die. Longer even."

"Then why haven't you arrest me yet?"

"Like I said, we need your help. Right now, we're reopening the files on the Black Organisation prior to the capture of one of its member recently. That's why we need you to help with this investigation. You were involved with the organization for quite some time, weren't you?"

"And I have no intention of getting involved again," she snapped. "And what do you mean, 'prior to the capture of one of its members'? Who was captured?"

"She is known to the world as Chris Vineyard. To you, the code name 'Vermouth' might be more familiar."

Shiho started so violently that she knocked her coffee over. She quickly reached for a tissue to wipe the mess off. Some of it spilled onto the documents. A waitress hurried over but Haruto waved her off irritably. He carelessly dabbed at the stains on the documents and slipped them inside his briefcase.

"You caught Vermouth? How?" she asked hoarsely.

Against her will, an image of the beautiful actress came to mind. Manipulative and cruel, she had always been one of the Black Organisation's members that Shiho feared the most. Vermouth hid behind a beautiful face and perfect disguises in order to obliterate her cunning mind and black heart from people.

"It doesn't matter. What matters now is that we are one step closer to destroying one of the most wanted criminal organizations in the world. And to properly achieve that, we need your expertise, Shiho-chan."

"Don't call me that!" she said sharply. She loathed hearing such a familiar address of her name from his mouth. She felt betrayed, trapped and…terrified.

She wished that Kudou was there to lend her his strength again. Like that time when he held her hand so tightly that she could almost believe that everything would be fine.

_What should I do, Kudou? All I wanted was some peace but is that too much to ask?_

"_Everything will be alright. I've sworn to protect you, haven't I?"_

How selfish she was. Hadn't she already abandoned all hopes? She made an oath to herself to forget him. She had always gotten along fine on her own before this.

But just as soon as that thought came, she knew it to be a lie. She had always been dependent. She was dependent on Akemi before her beloved sister had died. Then Kudou, with his sincere but totally undeserved promise.

Wasn't it time she stop leaning on people? Wasn't it time for her to carve her own fate?

He watched her quietly. There was a hardness to Shiho's eyes and a determined set to her jaws. He smiled a little, amused for some reason.

"I'll give you time to think it over," he finally said, standing up. "Don't worry about the bill; I'll take care of it."

"Yeah, thank you very much," she said sarcastically to his back. As a reply, he just raised a hand in a goodbye gesture.

A/N: Ah, so Interpol has been set as the stage for Shiho and Shinichi's reunion. Or not. :D. Comments would be loved and appreciated.

First Silvera: Yeah, Haruto's new playmate is Shinichi.

Ninay: Thank you. I hope you like this chapter too

ShinichixShiho: Gosh, I'm so flattered that you almost cried. huge ego boost heheheheh. Thank you, really.

Vash: Really sorry for the length of the previous chapter. I hope this one makes up for it.

YumeTakato: I know, I know, this one's update is really slow too cringe. Sorry

anime-obsession260: Thanks

Ai-San: Thanks for the cookie. I guess we'll wait and find out.

Applemint: Thank you

hannah-asakura: lol. I think u submitted the wrong review D

Jihye: Thanks. I can't wait, either

KristiexxNguyen: Thanks. I hope this chapter is long enough

Kyprioth: I try D


	5. Chapter Five

Kimi wo Mamoru : 5

Haruto Sakuraba was a patient man. If anything, patience had been his constant companion since his parents died a lifetime ago. He had been something of an inconvenience to his relatives then, seeing as his parents had never been a favourite among them. Now that they've left behind a son with no particular instructions on who was to raise him, the debate had been lengthy on deciding who would pose as surrogate parents to him.

In the end, Haruto had been passed from one relative to another, each of them as reluctant to care for the inquisitive and sharp-tongued boy as the next one.

Haruto had learnt patience then. It was the peace he only knew as he bid his time until it would be legal for him to obtain his trust fund and simultaneously earn his freedom. Naming a legal guardian for him had been his parents' only oversight. He was grateful that they had remembered to secure his future with the money mostly from his mother's inheritance.

And now patience was his refuge again as he waited for answers from Shiho Miyano.

It was never a doubt that he admired her immensely, even from the moment he first met her. Beauty was always something he had appreciated but Shiho was more than that. Her strength of mind and character had only added to her allure.

In Shiho Miyano, Haruto had found someone he could finally call a worthy friend and ally.

It had never been his intention to betray her. His threat to expose was meaningless. Shiho's intelligence was too valuable to be wasted. She was the only one that could help him in his investigation at this point and blackmailing her had been the only effective means he had of ensuring that he secure her assistance.

He knew why the higher-ups had made him head of the investigation of the Black Organisation. For years, it had been a dead end case for many investigators. There was never any concrete lead that could help nudge it forward. And a dead end case was something exactly a young, proud, and willful new investigator deserved.

But Haruto had not joined Interpol only to be a mediocre agent, stuck to filing documents and writing useless reports all through his career. Within a year of him being entrusted with the Black Organisation file, he had executed a brilliant capture on one of the organisation's most important members: Chris Vineyard, also known as Vermouth.

Since then, he had been taken more seriously by the other agents. But just as he began entertaining thoughts of exploring new angles of the case with the Vermouth's aide, the actress had killed herself, killing all hopes of Haruto ever solving the case.

But it would be winter in Hell before Haruto Sakuraba would ever admit defeat. He realized that before he lost the respect he had painstakingly gained from his colleagues, he had better use the trump card he had been keeping up his sleeve.

And that trump card was Shiho Miyano.

It had already been a week since he last heard from her; ever since the ultimatum he had dropped at the coffeehouse, actually. He had assumed that Shiho would make up her mind by now. He knew that the only thing she hated more than being manipulated was being held prisoner again.

He wouldn't ruin anything by calling her and pressing her for answers. Despite everything he had said to her, despite the heavy weight of the case on his shoulders, he wanted her final decision to be hers only, without him trying to pull her in one direction. It was the least he could do after lying about imprisoning her if she refused to cooperate.

Maybe he would apologise later. She would understand once she knew how desperate he was. Of course, he wouldn't use the word desperate when explaining to her.

Anxious would be a better word.

"When do you think Ai is going to come back, Conan?" Ayumi asked, her legs swinging underneath her as they sat together on a bridge in the town park.

That was the question that was always asked by his friends. Genta, Mitsuhiko, and especially Ayumi missed Haibara a lot. But Conan could not provide any answer when he was asked when she would return. It was bad enough having to lie to them about Haibara's disappearance.

"_She said she was going to visit her family in England. But she promised she'll be back as soon as she's able to."_

The children—as only children can be—believed every word he said.

"Didn't she contact you? Have you tried emailing her?" Ayumi prodded.

Conan leant back on his two hands and looked up at the sky. Rain clouds were rolling in from the horizon, threatening them with rain in the otherwise fine weather.

"I haven't heard a peep from her," Conan said slowly.

"Maybe she's not coming back to Japan. Maybe she's staying in England for good and we're never going to be able to see her again." Ayumi turned to Conan with tears welling in her eyes. "Conan-kun, maybe she forgot about us."

Conan shook his head. "She definitely won't forget. And—"

He broke off, staring into Ayumi's watery eyes. The words were right at the tips of his tongue but he swallowed it.

_And I promise that we will all see her again._

He could not say it to Ayumi. He could not make another promise he would not be able to keep. What if Ayumi believed his promise and it ended up hurting her later? A promise was a double-edged sword. If you believe it too much, it could hurt you, and if you did not believe it, like Haibara, it would still cut deep.

"Conan-kun?" Ayumi said, puzzled by his sudden silence.

"Let's go back. It's going to rain soon. We'll tell Genta and Mitsuhiko to meet us at Professor Agasa's house." Conan hopped up and dusted himself off.

Ayumi dutifully wiped the tears away and followed him. They had only taken a few steps when she grabbed his shirt from behind, forcing him to stop and look at her.

"Ai will come back, right?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with uncharacteristic determination.

Conan looked away, pulling down his baseball cap to cover his eyes. "Yeah," he muttered.

Sometimes, he almost wished he had Ayumi's naiveté. Sometimes he wished he could just go on believing that everything would be alright if he worked hard enough.

But he'd run into so many dead ends that he was practically at the end of his wits right now. When Jodie-sensei told him about the capture of Vermouth a few weeks ago, he had been filled with hope. If he could get to Vermouth, then maybe he would be able to find out where Haibara was.

But Vermouth was dead, and all hopes of ever finding Haibara seemed to follow her into her grave.

Was he stubborn, or was he in denial? Both Ran and Professor Agasa told him that the choice to leave was Haibara's entirely. Why would they lie about it? The Professor, especially, who had lived together with her for months, would definitely have been able to tell if she was lying.

But to accept that she chose to leave was the same as accepting the fact that he had abandoned her.

Had he been so preoccupied with his own life, his own problems, that he was not able to see her suffering by herself? Was he so self-centred that he always took her presence for granted, thinking that she would always stay beside him?

"_After you finish making the antidote, what will you do?"_

He once asked her that.

"_I don't know. Leave, I guess."_

He laughed at that.

"_Where would you go?"_

She gave him a sideways glance full of meaning he could not comprehend.

"_Away. Anywhere. What's that expression? 'Start a new life'. Yeah, that."_

He raised an eyebrow at her, full of skepticism.

"_Why bother? Aren't you happy here? You've got the Professor, and Ayumi, and Genta, and Mitsuhiko…"_

She crossed her arms.

"_And you've got me. What more can you ask for?"_

He was joking, of course. Haibara was always saying depressing things. It was as if she could not bring herself to believe that good things can happen. Sometimes, Conan would reply seriously, or sometimes, he would opt to joke about it, just so she would take things more lightly.

"_When I finish the antidote, you won't be mine anymore, Kudou. You'll be Shinichi Kudou and Shinichi Kudou is not mine. He's not my friend. He's the famous High School Detective, a childhood friend of Ran Mouri's, and a talented football player."_

"_Heh?"_

"_Shinichi Kudou has never met Shiho Miyano, or Sherry, or Ai Haibara. Your old life will catch up to you. And then you'll have the luxury of forgetting about us; about Ayumi, Genta, and Mitsuhiko, and about me."_

"_That's enough, Haibara."_

He was not mad, but he was getting close.

"_Do you think I'll do that? Forget the Detective Boys, forget you, forget even Hattori? The people in Conan Edogawa's life will be the people in Shinichi Kudou's life as well. Jeez, what's with you? Do you think I'll just dump my friends so easily?"_

Did it matter, though, why and how she had left? He would not give up even if it was her _choice_ to leave. He would find her, and shake her so hard she would not be able to speak for a while, and then somehow force her to believe that he would never, _ever_ break his promise to her.

The he would never abandon her.

That he would always protect her.

Drinking a steamy cup of coffee while burying oneself in an equally-steamy romance novel was not a luxury Shiho could afford in her former eight-year-old self. But sitting there, at a sidewalk café in Seoul, while the crowd moved around her made it easy for her to forget her old life as a child.

_I sure don't miss having to be chaperoned all the time,_ she thought to herself.

She sighed, and flipped another page in her book. Normally, she would scoff at the flowery titles and half-nude covers of this type of books. But she found unexpected comfort in them now. It actually felt a little refreshing to lose oneself in the story.

"Do you just simply have a death wish, or you simply don't care?"

The hostile voice, talking in Japanese, made her look up. Haruto was standing over her, his eyes looking down at her coldly.

"What are you doing here, Haruto?" she asked, putting her book down. This unexpected visit from her old friend somewhat put a damper on her otherwise somewhat-good mood.

Really, the least he could have done was alert her of his arrival. Not that she would have welcomed him more warmly but at least she'd have been prepared for the sparring that would surely occur whenever they met.

But Haruto was looking at her in an expression akin to incredulousness. Which was quite a change from his usual self-satisfied smirk. She frowned at him as he took the seat opposite her.

"Is this some sick, twisted game you're playing with me, Shiho? Because if it is, then I'm sorry but I don't think I know the rules you're playing by," he hissed.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, so that's it? You're pretending that our earlier conversation didn't happen so that you can happily go on with your delusional little life without even having to answer to me?"

"Again, I ask, what are you talking about? Have you completely lost your mind, coming here out of the blue and throwing wild accusations at me when we haven't seen each other in over six months?"

"Six months!" Haruto exclaimed, throwing his hands up. People were starting to stare at them curiously and Shiho wished Haruto would stop acting like this. It was unlike him.

"Three weeks ago, Shiho, I came to see you with a little proposal, do you remember?" he asked her slowly, as if _she_ was the crazy one here.

"Three weeks ago, I was busy studying for my finals. You're the delusional one, Haruto." She stood up, no longer wanting to take part in this ridiculous conversation.

"Wait, Shiho." Haruto grabbed her arm just as she was about to walk away. She glared at him, trying to tug it free.

He was looking at her now with uncertainty.

"What?" she snapped.

"Do you have memory problems?"

"What!" she exclaimed incredulously. "What do you mean—"

"I _mean_," he cut her off forcibly, "do you sometimes experience memory loss? Blank spaces in your memory where you can't remember what you did…"

His voice trailed off when he saw the hesitant look in her eyes. She finally managed to free her arm but the desire to escape was now gone. Haruto had voiced a growing concern she had been keeping to herself for a while now.

"I've… been having these fevers…" she confessed hesitantly. "And when I wake up, pieces of memory would be gone. Sometimes, it was just little things, like forgetting names of people I know, or where I keep some of my things…"

"But now you're starting to lose a whole day—or days—of memory?" Haruto asked.

"If what you say is true, that you came to see me a few weeks ago—"

"Of course it's true!" Haruto snapped.

"Well, I.. I can't recall anything about the meeting. At all."

"And this all started happening after you have these fevers? How long has it been?" he demanded.

"I don't know. A few months ago? I don't know."

"Do you know what's been causing them?"

_The antidote._

She shook her head.

Haruto's eyes hardened. "Don't lie to me, Shiho. You know, don't you?"

"I can't talk about it here."

"Alright. Your place. Now."

A/N: Shiho is written as Haibara in Conan's POV because that's what he always calls her. And yes, I'm pretty ashamed of myself for taking this long to update. Uh, I'll try to be more responsible in the future. I promise. Or not.


	6. Chapter Six

Kimi wo Mamoru: 6

"Are you going somewhere?" Conan asked, when for perhaps the twentieth time Ran walked out of her room in a new outfit. The whole morning she had been restless, jumpy even, and it was starting to get to Conan.

Now she was fussing over her hair and makeup, all the while keeping up a steady stream of nervous chatter of practically nonsense.

"I'm going out," Ran said, brushing her hair. Hard.

"Really? Where are you going? Can I come along?" Conan asked, hopping down from the chair he was sitting on. He was watching television but there was not anything particularly interesting on right now. going out with Ran seemed a pretty attractive alternative.

"No." The firmness in Ran's voice stopped Conan in his tracks.

"What?" Conan asked dumbly. Usually, when he asked if he could come along, it was always taken for granted that he would be allowed to. Ran had never said no. not that way.

"I'm…going out on a date," Ran said stiffly.

Conan frowned. Where has he heard that one before?

"With Shinichi-niisan?" he asked, one eyebrow raised. It was the exact same excuse she used when she tried to sneak out to see her mother once. Conan, of course, had gone along because she had not admitted at first that she was going to see Eri Kisaki. So Conan had gotten suspicious.

And maybe a little jealous.

Not that it mattered now. the truth had been revealed soon enough.

"Not Shinichi." Ran seemed to be having trouble meeting his eyes. "He's from school. He asked me out a few days ago and I've decided to accept."

"Oh," Conan said knowingly. _Yeah, right_.

Conan frowned. Why did she always feel the need to invent a crazy excuse like going out on a date when she could have just told him the truth? He wondered who she was sneaking out to meet this time. It could not be Eri again, could it? why would she hide if it was?

_Well, I'll just play along._

"What about Shinichi-niisan?" he asked innocently.

"What about him?"

Conan blinked. "Weren't you going to wait for him to return?"

"I'm tired of waiting, Conan. I'm tired of wondering where he is, what he's doing, and who he is with. Why should I bother putting my life on hold for him? Who is he to me anyway? Not even my boyfriend. So why should I wait for him? What should I be waiting for?"

There was a knot tightening in Conan's stomach as he listened to Ran. There was vehemence in her voice that he had never heard from her before. This was not like her. Those steely pair of eyes and that hard tone of voice could not possibly belong to her.

Conan grabbed one of her hands and forced her to look down at him. "Isn't Shinichi-niisan… important to you?"

Ran stared at her for a very long time. Then, some warmth returned to her eyes. She knelt down to his eye level.

"He is important to me, Conan. More important than he realizes. But I don't know if I'm important to him. If I am, why does he hide things from me? why can't he share his problems with me? why can't he trust me with them?"

The uneasy feeling in Conan's stomach was transforming into erratic beatings in his heart. What was Ran talking about? Of course she had been important to him!

He lo—

He cared for her very much.

"When two people care about each other, they place their trust with each other. They believe that whatever happens, they can get through it together. It's meaningless if only one person carries the burden and the other is left wondering why they can't share it together."

"He doesn't want to worry you. That's why he doesn't tell you anything. And maybe… maybe he has other reasons too. Maybe he was in trouble and didn't want you to get involved for your own safety."

Ran shook her head. Her eyes were sad. But there was resolve in them that seemed to grab Conan's heart and squeezed it tight.

"That's not good enough. I'm sorry, Conan, but I can't accept that." She stood up and Conan had to fight the urge to grab both her arms and drag her back down.

"Ran, please," he said softly, pulling on her skirt. Right now, he would practically do anything to have his height back. Anything, but swallow the counter-agent. He'd sworn to himself that he would not take it until he found Haibara again.

"It's not easy for me, either, Conan." Ran's voice broke. "But a lot has changed since I last saw Shinichi. I'd have kept waiting for him, though, if I hadn't known…"

"Hadn't known?" Conan repeated, bewildered.

"Maybe he has already moved on, you know? Maybe he's already met someone else…"

"He hasn't!" Conan took a step back, stunned by his own forceful words.

But Ran looked unconvinced. "Maybe he hasn't realized it yet."

"You don't know for sure if he's met someone else! How can you just give up? Did he mean so little to you?"

"I would never have given up if he'd just told me of his real feelings. Can you tell me honestly right now, Conan, that he loves me? tell me right now that Shinichi Kudou loves me and I'll spend my whole lifetime waiting for him."

She was challenging him. He'd tell her. He'd tell her in a heartbeat if that was what it took to stop her from walking away.

But the words wouldn't come. Here was his chance to confess everything to Ran. _Everything_. But he could not find it in himself to utter even one word to her.

Conan ran his hand through his hair. Ran was going to move on without him. She was going to put whatever feelings she had for him behind, as if it was some old toy she had outgrown. And he was doing nothing to stop her.

When the silence between them grew too heavy, the moment growing too painful, Ran walked out the front door. He'd disappointed her. He'd broken her heart, when she had given him one last chance for himself.

And Conan came to a realization.

It was no longer about protecting her from the Black Organisation. It was no longer about protecting his identity. What it was about now came down to only one thing.

His feelings for her.

And his silence had spoken volumes. His inability to say that he loved her was proof enough.

Somehow, somewhere along the way, something had changed. He would be lying if he said he never loved her. But was the love he felt for her was the love a man feels towards a woman? In all the years that they've been friends, he'd never thought he would come to the point where he had to question that.

But what he was sure of right now was that he did not want to lose her. He refused to let go. Not yet. Not now when he could not even be himself, much less say the things he needed to say to her.

Ran has made her decision, though. And he had no right to stop her.

Conan buried his head in his hands. Everything was complicated now.

Ran had to stuff her handkerchief into her mouth to keep herself from sobbing uncontrollably. She had lost. She had gambled and lost.

Maybe it was not fair of her to test him. Pushing him around, almost literally, and trying to force him to say he loved her. Why did she do that?

Ran stopped walking and looked back to stare at her home. From the window of the detective agency, he could see a silhouette of a person looking out into the street.

_Hey, Shinichi, when I found out that you have never really left me, I was happy. The lies and deceit, they don't matter anymore because just having you near me was enough to make me forgive you. I'm sure you had your reasons._

_Even if you had never felt compelled to share those reasons with me, I felt that it was okay just as long as you keep me in your heart. As long as I know that you're thinking only of me, I'd forgive anything. But that's not the case now, is it?_

_Hey, Shinichi, do you remember the time when you brought me to the hotel your father proposed to your mother? I only found out later what significance the place had for you, and I spent days daydreaming about what our wedding was going to be like. But you left without finishing whatever it was you wanted to say, only to come back as Conan. Were you going to propose then?_

_If right now we are given the chance to finish our conversation, would you still have proposed?_

_Hey, Shinichi, I can still recall the expression you had when I told you Ai was leaving. I think both us never realized just how important she is to you until that moment. But I know that something has changed._

_That feeling between us, it has changed. Was it you who changed, or was it me? was your relationship with Ai the catalyst? Or was it because Shinichi had been gone too long, leaving an irreparable damage to our relationship?_

_Hey, Shinichi, between the two of us, I'd always been the dreamer. You used to make fun of me because of that. But even I know where to draw the line between dreamy and delusional, between hope and futility._

_So maybe, this time, I'll be the one who leaves first._

Ran took out her mobile phone. She needed a good shoulder to cry on. She needed a friend who would understand the pain she was going through, someone who would listen and not offer useless advice or persuade her to change her mind.

_Sorry, Sonoko._

"Hello, Kazuha?"

The sun was setting when Shiho finished telling her story to Haruto. This time she hid nothing. She told him everything about the Black organization, about her life as Ai Haibara, and about Shinichi Kudou.

To his credit, Haruto listened to everything without once interrupting her. He seemed to believe her. Even when there were parts of her story that sounded bizarre and unreal, he listened.

"So you're saying that the counter-agent you developed for the APTX drug is the cause of these fevers?" he asked when she finally finished.

"I don't know, but it's highly likely that it is," Shiho said, shaking her head. "The basic workings of the APTX is that it destroys cells until the human dies from the process of counter-growth. But the original drug's effect was not strong enough to ensure complete demolition of the cells."

"That's why instead of killing Shinichi and I, it just reduced us into the body of eight-year-olds. From there, our cells just need to go through the process of reproduction again, this time at the natural rate. In other words, we need to grow up all over again."

Haruto frowned. "The counter-agent, therefore, acts as an accelerator for the reproduction of these cells then?"

"That's right. But I've been having trouble getting the right mix so that the process stops when we reach our actual age. Otherwise, we're going to keep growing and eventually die of old age. I've found the solution to it a few months ago, resulting in the current counter-agent…"

"But?" Haruto prompted when Shiho seemed to drift off.

"Cells have their own lifespan. When they reach the end of that, they die. I think, maybe some of my brain cells have been developing too quickly and are dying little by little," Shiho said slowly, her voice shaking. "My body could have produced antibodies to fight the effects of the counter-agent and they're setting up camp right in my brain. They're nullifying the agent that's supposed to stop the growth of the cell at age eighteen."

"Shiho…" Haruto took hold of her arm, his eyes dark. "Are you saying that if this goes on, your body is going to deteriorate like an old woman's and you're going to… die?"

Shiho turned to him. "It could be that the antibodies just stay in my brain and doesn't spread to the rest of my body. In that case, I'll just be brain-dead."

"You… how can you be so calm about this? You're talking about dying! Or being reduced to a vegetative state—which is pretty much the same as dying anyway!" He was shaking her now. "Aren't you going to do something about it?"

"Stop it!" she yelled, pushing him away.

Haruto fell back among the pillows scattered on Shiho's bed. She stalked to the window, which was only a few feet away. Really, the room she rented was really small and she had not minded until now. She used to think that she did not need the luxury of a big room. The small space felt cosy and comfortable enough. Now, it just felt claustrophobic.

Shiho put her forehead against the window and closed her eyes. "I'm scared, Haruto. You have no idea how scared I am. It's not that I fear dying. The one thing I can't stand to lose is my memory. It defines who I am. If I lose it, I'll lose myself too."

"What if you take the APTX? Will it reverse the process?"

"It might. But I don't have it with me." Shiho ran a hand over her face. "I've used up the last of them for developing the counter-agent."

"But… can't you produce the APTX the same way you made the counter-agent? Use the formula for the counter-agent and work backwards to develop the APTX. You can do that, can't you?"

"It's possible. But my files… they're all in my hard drive in my computer. And… I don't remember but I think I've deleted everything…"

"It doesn't matter. We can recover the data. Just as long as there's hope. Where do you keep it?"

"My computer? It's at Professor Agasa's house in Japan."

Haruto stood up. "Then I'm going to book the next flight to Japan for both of us."

"No, Haruto, wait." Shiho grabbed him. "I can't go back to Japan. You have to go by yourself and bring the hard drive to me."

"Don't be a coward, Shiho. Running away doesn't solve anything. Aren't you tired of running? You've been doing it your whole life." Haruto took her hands off him. "Now shut up and pack."

"Haruto."

Haruto paused at the doorway. He glanced over his shoulder at Shiho, who looked pale. The question was clear on her face.

"I'm doing this because you're my friend. Probably the only one I have," he said.

AN: Wow, two chapters within one week. I'm amazed at myself. Anyways, I can't seem to be able to write a chapter longer than seven pages. Sorry for the short-ish chapters. Well, hope you guys enjoy this new chapter. And all you hit-and-runners out there, review! Heheheh, just kidding.


	7. Chapter Seven

Kimi wo Mamoru : 7

Shiho and Haruto boarded the plane to Japan under the disguise of a couple of newlyweds going on their honeymoon. Shiho had questioned the need for the newlywed title but Haruto insisted that booking two tickets under Mr. and Mrs. Sakuraba was a lot easier than under two separate names.

"Someone's got to enter my name into the world record for having the most number of aliases," Shiho had muttered, to which Haruto just shrugged off.

For his part, Haruto seemed to be enjoying the roleplaying a little too much. He played the role of a doting husband so perfectly that Shiho was beginning to get embarrassed of the attention she was getting.

Before boarding, Shiho had put on a wig to hide her ginger hair. She was in her grown form now and she did not want members of the Black Organistaion to recognize her. But now she wished she had bought something to hide her face as well. Haruto was doing a very good job strengthening her urge to hide in shame.

"Darling, would you like me to get you an aspirin? You look a little under the weather," Haruto asked just as they settled into their seats. The middle-aged woman sitting next to them stared curiously but he just ignored her.

"I'm alright, _dear_. Just a little tired," Shiho said, her voice heavy with warning. Some of the passengers, mostly Japanese, had given them odd looks, though most of them were more discreet about it.

"Stop drawing attention to ourselves, Haruto. Besides, we're not even wearing wedding rings. Don't you think that'll just make people suspicious?" she hissed.

Haruto laughed quietly. "Alright, alright. I was just playing around a little." More seriously, he added, "Though you do look a little green, Shiho. Are you sure you're alright?"

Shiho was just about to answer when a wave of nausea hit her. Quickly she grabbed a paper bag and deposited her breakfast in it. Haruto straightened up, surprised.

"Don't tell me you're pregnant already!" he joked. Shiho gave him the evil eye.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but are you feeling alright?" a stewardess asked, coming to stand beside them.

"Can you please get her a glass of water and some aspirin? It seems like my wife is experiencing a little airsickness," Haruto informed her, putting a hand behind Shiho's back.

"Idiot, we're not airborne yet," his 'wife' pointed out, wiping her mouth with a piece of wet tissue. She leant back against the seat, trying to fight back the urge to retch again. Her forehead was beaded with sweat and she felt a little disoriented, as if she was being turned upside down.

"My fever's coming back," she muttered, eyes shut.

"Here, take this." Haruto gave a couple of aspirins to Shiho and put the glass of water the stewardess had brought to Shiho's lips.

There was announcement by the pilot to fasten their seatbelt. They were beginning takeoff. Haruto pushed Shiho back against her seat and motioned for her to stay still. The woman sitting beside them was fussing over her seatbelt. There was a loud roaring noise, and the plane rocked a little as it began its ascent. A baby cried in the background, and a man was heard praying loudly.

All these events barely registered in Shiho's mind by then. Already she was drifting in and out of consciousness. Before they were completely airborne, she sunk into the welcoming darkness.

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"Something is wrong with Ran, Professor," Conan said worriedly as he helped Professor Agasa unload his groceries from his car. "She's been staring off into space and acting distant lately. And just the other day, she told me that she had a date with someone. She said that she's tired of waiting for me."

"How strange. Did something happen between you two? Did you forget her birthday or something, Shinichi?" Professor Agasa asked, eyebrows furrowing in concern. He fumbled with his keys and almost dropped the grocery bags he was holding.

"No, that's not it. her birthday's still a few months away." Conan frowned as he watched Professor Agasa struggling to put the key into the lock. "What's wrong? Are you sure you have the right key?"

"This is the key. I usually don't have any trouble opening the door. But maybe the lock's a little rusty…" his voice trailed off as Conan put down the grocery bags and knelt to turn up his power sneakers. "Shinichi, what are you doing?"

"The lock's broken. That means that someone broke into your house after picking the lock. stand back, Professor."

With one swift kick, the front door flew off its hinges and landed on the floor with a loud crash. Conan stepped inside and cautiously looked around, checking for signs of the intruder. Professor Agasa followed close behind.

"Well, it looks like everything's where it's supposed to be," he said, looking puzzled. "If they're not here to steal my valuables—"

Before the professor even finished his sentence, Conan had already raced to the basement, where Haibara's things were. The door was ajar, and when Conan pushed it open, he saw that the room appeared virtually untouched. But the area near her workstation was dust-free, as if someone had been there recently.

He ran back upstairs and saw that one of the windows was open. Climbing out, he tried looking around for the intruder but there was not a sign of him.

_Damn!_ he thought to himself, going back into the house. he went down to the basement again, hoping to find some clue.

Conan went to Haibara's computer and tried to turn it on. But there was no hard drive in it. someone had taken it, along with some CD ROMs Haibara kept in the drawer. The only reason he could think of for stealing these things was that someone wanted the formula for the APTX drug.

Did the Black Organisation finally discovered that Shiho Miyano used to stay here and was developing the counter-agent for the APTX drug? Was that why they had stolen the hard drive?

But their modus operandi did not fit. If it was Gin and Vodka, they'd have just burned the house down to erase all evidence.

_Who? Who else would want those formulas?_

Going down on all fours, Conan proceeded to take the lid of the CPU unit off. True enough, the hard drive was not in the slot where it was supposed to be. Frowning, Conan looked closer and saw a slim mobile phone carefully placed in it, obviously left there to be found.

There was no number preprogrammed into the phone.

"What's that, Shinichi?" Professor Agasa asked, appearing from the doorway. Conan hastily stuffed the phone into his pocket.

"It's nothing, professor. Um, did you call the police yet?"

"Yes, they're on their way now."

Conan's pocket began to vibrate. He quickly took the phone out and stared at it, surprised. There was a call coming in and the number was unfamiliar. Cautiously, he pressed the 'Answer' button.

"How're you doing, chibi?" a male voice on the other end greeted cheerfully.

"Who are you?" Conan demanded.

"Now, now, I'm afraid we have more important matters to discuss than my identity right now. one of which being a poor little red-headed princess trapped in endless slumber," the voice said teasingly.

Conan's heart stopped beating for a second. The man could not have possibly talked about anyone else but Haibara.

"What have you done to her?" he asked quietly.

"Me? contrary to what you want to believe, I'm not the villain here. More like her fairy godmother. And a fairy godmother's main purpose is to bring Prince Charming to his princess' side."

"But first," the man continued, not giving Conan a chance to reply, "let's play a little game. If you can solve this riddle, then you'll be able to find the tower your princess sleeps in."

Here was someone who enjoyed manipulating people and making them dance to his tune. Nevertheless, despite the circumstances, Conan felt himself getting excited. At least he knew that Haibara was safe, although her exact condition was still unclear. But the man on the phone had not sounded like he had malicious intent.

"I accept your challenge," Conan said, suddenly feeling much more like his old self.

At the other line of the telephone, Haruto Sakuraba's face broke into a huge, satisfied grin after hearing that statement.

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Shiho did not know how long she had been out. In the time she was sick, she could only barely make out strange figures bustling around her, talking in words she could not decipher. And as she drifted in and out of consciousness, faces, familiar and unfamiliar, appeared and disappeared, making it hard for her to tell if she was really seeing them or if they were just images her feverish mind conjured.

But there had been a soft sensation of someone lightly brushing her hair off her forehead. The hand was cool, and gently soothing. She did not know how or why, but she felt like she could rest better after that.

The first time she was fully awake, but not quite clear-headed yet, she saw a small, dark-haired figure dozing on a chair right beside her bed. For a split second, she was convinced that she was back at Professor Agasa's house, waking up after a fever, only finding out that Kudou had stayed up all night to watch over her. For a split second, she was Ai Haibara again.

But the pristine white sheets she was lying on and the sterile-looking room she was in definitely did not belong to Professor Agasa. She looked around groggily, realizing that she was in a hospital room. What was more, Kudou had apparently found out that she was back in Japan and had come to see her.

He also did not take the counter-agent for the APTX. He was still in his child form.

Her stirring woke him up, and he peered at her with his midnight-coloured eyes, suddenly alert, suddenly cautious.

"You're up…" he said slowly.

"Who are you?" she asked, her eyes meeting his gaze steadily.

It was strange, but Kudou reacted violently to her question. He was visibly shocked, but worse still, he looked as if she had given him a severe blow across his face. He paled, and seemed at a loss for words.

"You don't remember me?"

Shiho stared at him a moment longer but a reluctant smile cracked at the corner of her lips. Finally, she could stand it no longer.

"Sorry, I was only messing with you," she told him, smiling. "What do you think of my acting skills, Mr famous High School Detective?"

Kudou glared at her, but it was obvious that he was relieved.

"You know," he said, his mouth something of a pout, "I was really worried about you ever since you disappeared."

Shiho smiled, not believing him. "Oh, yeah?"

He heard the skepticism in her voice and frowned. "I was! You just left without even saying anything to me! I was prepared to think the worst of the situation. All those times, I kept thinking you'd been forced to leave by the Black Organisation. I was driving myself crazy thinking about what they were doing to you!"

She looked down at her lap, seeming to contemplate something. "Sorry. I didn't mean to worry you," she said slowly, unusually contrite.

Hearing it, he softened. "Where have you been?"

"Nowhere interesting."

"Well then, why did you leave?"

She stared at him, resenting the questions he was asking. "Why shouldn't I?" she shot back.

"It's entirely your choice, I know, but to leave without saying a word…" he paused, considering something. "In any case, Ayumi and the rest miss you. And so was Professor Agasa."

She nodded, acknowledging his statement, but not making any effort to reply to it. all of a sudden, she wished for him to leave. She had been really happy when she realized that he came to see her. But now it was beginning to feel as if him appearing here was just to confirm a mystery solved, not because he was concerned about her.

_Well, now that you know I'm still alive, if not kicking, you can go back to ignoring me,_ she thought morosely.

"I suppose Haruto told you about what happened?" she asked tentatively. She had to know what and how much Haruto had spilled.

"Haruto…" Conan repeated wryly. "He was the one who led me all around the city, dangling clues in front of me, just to get me to see you?"

"Sounds like him." Shiho smiled.

"He only said that you're losing your memory and that you'll die if you don't take the APTX." Kudou straightened, as if the idea only just sunk in. "Are you really? Is it a side effect of the counter-agent?"

"Even I'm not a hundred percent sure. But there's a big probability that I will. The counter-agent was flawed. I should've known, anyway. The APTX drug was flawed as well."

"Is that why you came back to Japan?"

She nodded. "I'm glad you didn't take the counter-agent. Incidentally, I can use it to make some APTX pills."

He hesitated, watching her carefully. "Um, how much memories have you lost?"

Running a hand over her face, Shiho sighed. "I don't know. Not much, I guess. But it's only a matter of time until I lose some really important ones." She glanced at him, a bitter smile on her lips. "I'm currently trying to decide if I should divide my time between writing a diary and developing the APTX. Which do you think will take longer?"

He surprised her by putting his smaller hand in hers. She stared at them, wondering why, after six months of absence, could she still feel so strongly about him. In fact, she found that it took all her willpower not to grab him and wrap her arms around him, simply because she missed him.

She had to remind herself that this was only a temporary measure. After she was done, she was going to leave again. But at least now she knew that even if she did, she could never fool herself that her feelings for him would go away as well.

"I'll help in any way I can," he was saying to her. "I'm with you, no matter what happen."

She smiled thinly. "Even if I forget who you are? Even if I lose all my memory?"

"Then… then we'll make new ones. Happy memories to replace the ones you lost."

It dawned on her that he was completely serious. The idea was childish, and surprisingly naïve for him. But he really meant what he said. Her heart squeezed painfully, and she looked away.

Maybe this was what she was running from. His cruel kindness. She was someone he felt that he needed to protect. Someone he thought who was lonely. And she was. That was why he always tried to help her. But the more she received his kindness, the lonelier she felt.

Maybe she was an important friend to him. But a friend was the last person Shiho wanted to be to him.

"I guess I'll sit on it first for today. I'm too tired to do anything else." She pulled up the sheet up to her chin, her face turned away. He got the hint. A few moments later, the pressure of his hand disappeared and only the soft click of the hospital door shutting close indicated that he had left.

Shiho closed her eyes, wishing for sleep.

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A/N: Another new release! Yay! But it's going to be a while until my next update. Semester break is ending soon (in three days to be exact). But don't worry, I'll try to make the next chapter more interesting. And now that our hero and heroine have reunited, expect plenty of Shiho/Shinichi goodness in chapters ahead!


	8. Chapter Eight

Kimi wo Mamoru : 8

Haibara was getting discharged today. She was not perfectly recovered yet but the doctors decided that she was well enough not to be detained further in the hospital. As Conan's fingers rested on the doorknob of her hospital room, he had to pause and remind himself that he had to stop referring to her as 'Haibara'.

He had no idea what name she has decided to call herself this time but 'Ai Haibara' did not seem to fit anymore. somehow, there was a different feel to her now. at least, the Haibara he knew had never been so withdrawn.

Going inside, he was surprised to see a dark-haired young woman packing clothes inside an overnight bag, her back to him, and a young man lounging by the window, looking as if he had not a care in the world. He seemed to notice Conan first and an amused smile lit up his face.

"How good to see you again, chibi," he greeted cheerfully. "Are you here to escort Shiho back?"

It was when she finally turned around and their eyes met that Conan recognized her. The long dark wig she had on made her look very different, almost unrecognizable. She looked puzzled, as if not expecting his arrival but did not comment.

"You're Haruto, I presume?" he asked warily, addressing the young man. He did not understand why Haruto acted as if they had already met. As far as he remembered, they had only spoken on the phone.

"You don't recognize me," was Haruto reply, his smile widening. "We were involved in a case not too long ago. Of course, I was only helping the local police from the background so there weren't any opportunities for us to be introduced then. But I have been taking an interest in you since then, chibi."

He left the window to kneel in front of Conan. "My name is Haruto Sakuraba. I work for the Interpol and I am what can be considered as Shiho's childhood friend. Nice to meet you."

Conan's eyes narrowed. Haruto seemed a pleasant enough person. Nevertheless, Conan found it hard to trust him when his friendly smile did not at all match the sly glint in his eyes.

"I'm Conan Edogawa. Nice to meet you too, I think."

Haruto threw back his head and laughed. With a furtive glance at Shiho, who was watching them with a faintly disapproving frown, he said, "So I gather that 'Kudou' is just an affectionate nickname?"

"That's enough, Haruto," she said sharply, picking up her bag. "We should go now."

"Does the little detective want to come with us? Did you come here with that?" Haruto gestured at the skateboard tucked under Conan's arms.

Truly annoyed now, Conan decided not to answer. He looked at Shiho and said, "I brought the counter-agent you left. I figured you'd want to get started right away."

Shiho took the small pill box from him without a word. Looking at her now, Conan found it hard to connect this reserved young woman to the sarcastic eight-year-old he knew. Haibara was quiet, but she had always had a watchful look on her, as if finding some secret amusement in observing the people around her.

But this 'Shiho', who had the same red hair and the same eyes, had a wary air about her that he was not used to. In fact he found her downright unapproachable now. As if she was intentionally putting an invisible wall around herself.

"Where are you going to stay?" Conan asked her, interrupting his own musings.

"I'm checking myself into a hotel for today. I guess I'll think about living arrangements later." Shiho paused thoughtfully. "I suppose I can no longer stay at Professor's house. I don't want to get him in trouble."

Conan glanced at Haruto, wondering why she was not staying with him. As if sensing his thoughts, Haruto put up both his hands helplessly.

"I have been forbidden by Shiho to interfere in these matters. Pretty ironic, don't you think, since I was the one who helped her getaway from this country in the first place?"

That was one question answered. Conan had wondered exactly how Shiho managed to escape out of Japan without any trace. So she actually had a friend who was probably more experienced in anonymous travel than Conan cared to know.

"I can't owe you any more than I already do, Haruto," Shiho said, irritated.

"Ah, but my intentions in helping you have been wholly impure." He put a finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Don't worry, I'll make sure you pay back exactly what you owe me."

The warning glint in Haruto's eyes and the tightening of Shiho's lips did not escape Conan's notice. After a long, tense moment, Shiho pulled away.

"Go back home, Haruto. As the hard drive you stole from my computer was completely useless, I don't see any reason for you to remain by my side," she said flatly.

"On the contrary," Haruto denied, "I have every reason to stay and none to return."

Turning now to Conan, he said, "Now, what say you to us seeing Shiho off to her hotel before the hospital staff kicks us out for overstaying our welcome?"

Rather than waiting for a reply, Haruto grabbed Shiho's bag and sauntered out of the room. He was whistling cheerfully, as if tense words had not been spoken between him and Shiho only minutes ago.

"Sorry you had to see that," she apologized. "That's how it is between us. I'm not even sure if I like Haruto but we've been friends for as long as I can remember."

She began to move away but Conan surprised both of them by grabbing hold of the end of her shorts. He quickly let go, realizing the randomness of his actions. But watching the exchange between Shiho and Haruto, and then listening to her talking about him bothered Conan.

Something about the way they were so familiar with each other left Conan feeling like an outsider. He had always regarded her as someone who was dependant on him because she had no one else in this world. But she had left, proving that she was not quite as reliant as he thought. And then she returned, only to bring Haruto in tow, proving that she was also not quite as alone as he thought.

Now, because Haruto's presence made Conan felt more like an intruder on their private moment than a concerned friend, he had an irrational urge to hold Shiho back, at least for a little while, just so he could steal some of her time. Just so he could have her all to himself, even for a brief minute.

Blushing, he tried to think of something to say to fill the sudden silence. "Uh, what name did you register under at the hotel?"

Her face changed and he had the distinct impression that he had embarrassed her. "I can assure you that it was not under obvious ones like Shiho Miyano or Ai Haibara."

"I never thought you would," he said, smiling wryly. "You don't have  to get all defensive like that."

"Well, you don't have to treat me like a kid like that," she shot back. "I'm not. You are."

"And the fact that this conversation is bewilderingly childish doesn't bother you?"

"You started it," she muttered. However, a smile was beginning to form on her lips. He returned hers, realizing that he had also been holding his breath. And now that the tight expression had gone from her face and she was smiling again, he felt his relief go out of him in one breath.

That was what he was waiting for. Just that one small smile to tell him that there was still a trace of Haibara in her. The Haibara that used to smile in genuine when she occasionally let down her guard and thought no one was watching.

An idea suddenly popped into his mind.

"You know, about your lodgings, you're always welcome to stay at my house," he offered, barely giving himself time to think about it.

Shiho's eyebrows shot up. Then her smile disappeared, replaced by a cynical lift of her mouth. "And leave myself right within firing range of the Organisation? Gin and Vodka must be observing your house."

"What are you talking about? Professor Agasa's house is right next door and you never had any qualms about staying there. If those two had really been watching, don't you think you'd have been found out already by now?" He glanced at her hair. "Besides, you've got that wig. And you can wear glasses to hide your face."

"Even so, what would _she_ say if she saw me living in your house? What do you think it will look like if there is suddenly a strange young woman coming in and out of Shinichi Kudou's house as if she belonged there?"

The _she_ Shiho meant must be Ran. Conan felt his muscles tighten when he remembered what had happened between him and Ran.

"Ran won't say anything," he said curtly.

That seemed to take Shiho off guard. She frowned uncertainly at him, not sure what he meant by that.

"Anyway, I'd much rather have you under my nose than being kept wondering all the time if you're alright," Conan continued, ignoring her stare. Even he himself did not know what he meant by that.

He looked up to see a strange expression cross her face. Then she looked away and slowly said, "I'll think about it."

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A few days later, Shiho turned up at the Kudou household with a disgruntled expression on her face. She marched in obvious displeasure as Conan opened the door for her. Sitting down on a nearby chair in a huff, she eyed the eight-year-old warily.

 "You don't have to give me that expression," Conan muttered, crossing his arms.

"Well, if you're hoping I'd put on a happy face after both you and Haruto gang up on me, you are seriously deluded," Shiho snapped.

"Ganging up?" Conan echoed. "We didn't gang up on you. We just… had similar goals—that is, so that you'd stay here."

"Call it whatever you want, it's still cheating."

"I was worried for your safety. I know you wouldn't have listened to me so I asked Haruto to persuade you a little," Conan said, exasperated.

"Well, I'm glad that you and Haruto are now bosom buddies but God, please, stop interfering with my life! It's bad enough that I had to put up with Haruto. Now you're acting all overbearing and controlling as well. What's up with that?"

"If you really don't want to come, then just say no to him. It was easy enough for you to do that with me," Conan pointed out.

Shiho glared at him. "He's different," she muttered.

Conan scowled. "Well, whatever. In any case, you've got the privacy you need here. And Professor Agasa is always within reach if you need anything. If you're worried about your safety, I'm sure Haruto's men can take care of any intruders."

She sat up, surprised. She had not told anyone that Haruto was going to send some of his subordinates to watch over the house in case the Black Organization returned.

"How did you know?" she asked.

"Well, they were discreet, but not discreet enough I guess. I saw one of them as I was coming in earlier. It was actually quite obvious that they're working for Interpol from the way they dress so I immediately knew they weren't from the Organization." He glanced at her, an eyebrow raised. "So I guess he was worried about you, too."

"Believe me, that's so not it," she muttered.

She thought it was weird at first when Haruto was so adamant that she went to stay at Kudou's house. She at least expected him to force her to stay at his house. There was no reason for him to want to her to go to Kudou's unless he was genuinely concerned for her safety.

But she was wrong.

_"Don't flatter yourself."_

That was the reply she got when she voiced out her suspicion.

_"Your presence in that house won't remain unnoticed. Sooner or later, the Organization will appear nearby. That'll be the perfect opportunity for me to nab one of them."_

In the end, she was only bait.

"You can use my room while you're here. I've moved some of my stuff to my parents' bedroom to make room for yours. And the computer's at your disposal as well," Conan was saying.

Shiho stood up. "I'm going to get to work then. Who knows how much time I have left."

"I'll try to stay out of your way in that case."

That stopped Shiho mid-stride. She turned to look at him, confused. "You're not leaving?"

"No, I'm staying here."

"Until when?"

He gave her an odd look. "Until you finish everything."

"You're not going back to the detective agency?"

"Not for a while," he said evasively.

Shiho frowned. Clearly, he was hiding something but she was not going to probe. He probably had a fight with Ran anyway. Although he did not exactly confess everything to her, she could sense that there was something going on between him and his childhood friend.

It was obvious in the way he kept avoiding the mention of anything that had to do with her—which somehow was telling in itself.

"Well, as long as you stay out of my way," she said brusquely.

"Well, as long as you show your face once in a while," he said, mimicking her tone.

She narrowed her eyes at him, which got him grinning. Shrugging, he said, "I don't want you getting sick without me noticing."

"You're just like Haruto."

Conan's shoulders stiffened. "What?"

"Haruto thinks of me as nothing but decoy; a tool for his own professional advancement. And you're no better," Shiho snapped.

"In what way am I similar to that—snake?" Conan snapped back, standing up straighter. But it was really hard to argue with Shiho when he was at least three feet shorter.

"You both never think of me as a person. For you, it's always 'APTX, antidote, research'. In that respect, you're both like the Organization. For all of you, I'm just a tool."

"A tool?" Conan repeated. "If that was true, why do you think I worry so much about your health? Why do you think I've been frantic while you were missing?"

"You're just worried I won't finish the drugs."

"The drugs? _What _drugs? You've already finished when you left! From what I see, it's you who is running yourself down with your paranoia! Do you have such a low opinion of yourself that you can't believe that there are people who care about you?"

Shiho took a step back, hesitating, and Conan continued, "What about Ayumi and the rest? Are you going to say they're nice to you because they want something from you? What about Professor Agasa? Is he a manipulator as well?"

"I'm not talking about them! I'm talking about you! You and Haruto!"

Conan gritted his teeth in frustration. "What _about_ us? I don't know about Haruto, but I honestly care for you. But you just won't believe me, no matter what I say! You always find a reason or an excuse to turn my friendly gestures into nothing more than calculated moves to use your abilities."

By now, they were standing toe-to-toe and despite the difference in height, Conan's blazing eyes did not waver from staring into her uncertain ones. After a few more seconds of charged silence, he finally stepped back, shaking his head.

"I'll leave you alone for now but I'm coming back to check on you this evening." He turned towards the door and it was all Shiho could do not to call out his name.

She knew she had to apologise. She had been completely unfair and ungrateful. But she'd seen the way Kudou's eyes had steeled when she flung all her accusations at him and she was afraid he wouldn't accept her apology.

Besides, she still had her own feelings to sort out.

_Tonight,_ she promised herself, _I'll apologise tonight._

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AN: Okay, despite Conan's opinion, I still love Haruto. Hohoho…


End file.
